WORKSHOPS
Girls on the Brink of Adolescence
Kids on the Brink of Adolescence
Site designed and maintained by
Lyn Rodger,
Deerfoot Studios
This page was last updated on
December 28, 2007
At the time they enter school or pre-school, boys start to get messages about what it means to be a “big boy” and how bad it is to be a “baby,” a “wimp” or even a “little boy.” TV, games, ads and toys tell boys to be tough and mean. Fears and anxieties start to be shameful secrets, and feeling powerless leads to anger and aggression. Sometimes fantasy play is an outlet (but should it be the only one?). On the other hand, nastiness and aggression toward other children can become a problem. Will they “grow out of it?” Or is this a crucial time to help boys learn the words for feelings, and learn about “caring power” as well as the power of friendship, the joy of active play and the rewards of working together to work out problems? Teachers are now getting training on conflict resolution in schools. But parents haven't had special training — and they are the ones who teach children every day about working with the feelings that come up when there is anger and conflict.
There is no cookbook of answers. But it is clear that we start by talking to each other. There are new books about the difficulties men and boys face when they can't know and tell their own feelings; there are mothers' and fathers' experiences of how they were taught boys and “real men” should be. There is a new model of development, the Relational Model, which puts relating with other people first and last — as the process and the goal of development. It is now being applied to boys', as well as girls', development.
This workshop helps parents understand and use relational theory in raising compassionate and resilient sons. Examples of the pressure on boys to conform, to buy into media-based stereotypes and to suppress their authentic feelings are given. Then we work together to develop prevention strategies that fit with their values. Parents may decide to continue meeting without the facilitator to help each other counteract society's violent messages and teach their children “caring power” instead.
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